Saturday, June 18, 2016

Dear Jerk Guy

Dear Jerk Guy,
Yesterday I was going to see Finding Dory with my kids and Mom-In-Law and we were having a bit of trouble finding a parking place. We circled around every aisle, hoping for a stroke of luck. After a few short minutes, we spotted someone pulling out of a parking stall. I drove off to the side to give the woman enough space to drive backward without causing damage to either people or vehicles and I was relieved to be parking so we could get into the movie on time.
WELL.
Just as the lady drove away, and just as I was making a wide circle to get into the parking spot, you drove your jerk face with your jerk girls face into the parking stall like a slimy eel. DAMN YOU.
I actually cursed, to my regret, and I pulled up alongside you and stared at you like the bitter creep that I am, hoping you'd look at me so I could shoot imaginary daggers into your eyes. A part of me wanted you to feel my wrath and I considered flipping you the bird.
I eventually decided against it and we found another parking spot, which was further away and we almost didn't make it before the beginning of the film.
So, I wanted to say to you, Jerk Guy, I hope you're proud of yourself; I was waiting for that spot and you stole it like a big fat jerk face. I hope you spilled your popcorn on the floor and your drink on the girl you were with.
Okay, that's harsh, but I kind of do mean it.

XOXO, Mackenzie

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