I Got My Present!

I got my Nintendo 3DS XL and I'm OBSESSED.
It's my first handheld gaming system and I love it.

Love, Mackenzie

My Birthday Present

I have a feeling that Josh is pulling my leg about having to wait for my gift. A couple days ago he said that I would get to open it today, but he's changing the story now. I'm suspicious. I don't know if he's just pulling my leg or if he's being serious. Either one could be true.

Time will tell.

Love, Mackenzie

Spiritual Thought Sunday

I found this table, I thought I'd share it with the possibility of helping a fellow writer person out.

And here's the spiritual thought for today!

Have a blessed Sunday!

Love, Mackenzie

Picture Prompt Saturday

This picture makes me think of a story instantly in my head, so I just had to share it! I couldn't find the source for this artwork, but I'm not the original creator of it. All credit goes to the artist.

Happy Writing!

Love, Mackenzie

My Novel Has Consumed My Soul

All I Wanted has consumed me and it's so exciting! I had fallen out of love with this story for a while but all my adoration for the characters has come back to me and I couldn't be happier. I've written over 8k words in three days. Boo-FREAKING-ya.

I'm trying to write this thing on Google Docs and it's giving me some kickback, but I'm so infatuated with this novel that I'm willing to put up with it.

Maybe I'll post a part of it on here sometime. Who knows. ME. I WILL be posting part of this novel on here, but probably not until I have the actual story line well put together.

I did have a breakthrough tonight though. I'd been struggling for upwards of eight years to try and figure out how to end this bad boy and I figured it out. I finally had the ah-ha moment and it all clicked. BOO-FREAKING-YA.

Love, Mackenzie

Thank You, Josh

I'm in the middle of a solid writing session, so I'll just say this; I was blessed with an amazing man. He puts up with my writing hobby which is hopelessly solitary and he encourages me to be the best writer I can be. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. Love you, Josh!

By the way, Josh is Squidward in this GIF when it comes to verbally expressing his adoration of me, but I know it's there anyway.

Love, Mackenzie

Writing Prompt Wednesday

Here's this weeks writing prompt, complete with the link!

Happy Writing!

Love, Mackenzie

Back In The Saddle

I've suddenly decided to continue working on All I Wanted again! I"m falling back into love with it after taking some time away and realizing the POV was all wrong. I was focusing far too much on Tammin when Petra is the real focus of the story. His goals, his decisions, his journey. I'm only on page two and I think it's going so well.

And, in my perfect world, Thomas Brodie-Sangster would play my Petraeus McBride. But that's only in my dreams. Link to the picture source.

This man is the perfect Petra, there isn't another human who could portray him in the correct way. Ah... I've got big dreams, and the only way this story could have the chance to make it to the big screen is to get it published and to be published, I'd have to finish it. Time to get to work.

Thanks for reading!

Love, Mackenzie

Body Positivity pt. 2

Over the weekend I've been overly conscious of my body. The way it's shaped, the way it feels and the way I judge myself because of it. I realize that my subconscious is telling me yet again that to love my body the way it is is wrong and I should do my best to work out and eat right always to attain the 'perfect' body.

And then it dawned on me. I had a couple of realizations, actually, so bear with me. 

First, what is the perfect body? Having a thigh gap? Fitting into a size 2? Being able to wear a bikini in public, having every male you pass do a double take??

I know for a fact that in twenty years what is considered a beautiful body will change, I hope for the better. When I was in high school, I weighed on average 125 lbs. whereas now I hover around 175. Before, if I gained five pounds, my whole world came crashing down and I felt like I had to go on a diet to make sure that I kept my perfect figure. 

There are still days that I look at old photos of myself and think of what it would feel like to be back in my 17 year old figure. Sometimes I imagine I would feel sexy and attractive. But other times I feel like I'd look at myself and think if other's feel like I should have a cupcake or two to be healthy again.

I've been trying desperately to rewire my brain to look at my figure now and not care so much about its imperfections. All my weight hangs out in my tummy, butt and upper thighs. There's like a shelf, its very distinct. I'm not proud of it, but I want to be. And a benefit of having a little extra poundage is that I don't feel the need for a boob job. So that's a bonus.

I'll admit, I get really frustrated when I hear people who say they're striving for the perfect body. Perfect is so subjective. I follow a Youtuber who is quite heavy, who married a good looking man from across the pond. There was a Yahoo special about them, and he said that he's always been attracted to heavier girls and that he honestly thinks she's beautiful. So to him (and I'm sure a larger portion of the male populous than most would like to admit) she's perfect. Some men prefer women who are like twigs, and that's great too. Josh prefers a little more poundage on me since it gives me some nice curves. He tells me to eat well, exercise three to four times a week and however my body comes out to be he said he'll love it. What a good man I married. 

But seriously, if you have a certain body type, do your best to take care of it, but I don't think it's worth giving up all the foods that make you feel good just to impress the people around you. I've been there and it sucks. Absolutely sucks. 

I find myself while writing this lengthy post thinking about my five year high school reunion coming up in 12 days and I made a list of things I needed to accomplish. I need to paint my nails the day before to make sure they're good and perfect for the day of. I need to make sure my eyebrows are nicely shaped so I don't need to worry about that the day of either. I was planning on purchasing an outfit just for that evening.

But then I realized something. Why do I want to doll myself up for a bunch of strangers who I haven't seen since high school, and trying to impress them, just so I won't feel judged?? Why do I need to make myself look glamorous for all these people I considered idiots back in the day? I wonder if it's because I have only taken one semester in college and I'm a stay at home mom. Stay at home mom's don't get enough credit for the work we do, but that's a post for another time.

For some stupid reason I feel the need to impress everyone because I felt like I didn't match up to most of their success. I felt like I hadn't accomplished as much as them because I chose to get married instead of chasing my college dreams. 

But I was wrong. I've done a lot of things in the last five years! I have two kids, a delightful marriage (and a successful one at that, when most of them surely thought it'd fail) I've completed three first drafts of novels and I'm working on a fourth. I keep a house, hold down the fort, support Josh in his schooling and I'm working on growing the knowledge bank in my brain. I've recently started studying genetics and human anatomy as well as criminology and forensics. And I think the most important thing of all that I seem to forget is that I'm working hard on continuing to grow my relationship with my Father in Heaven, because in the end, all that matters is that I did my best to be a good person and a faithful follower to His gospel.

So, I've changed my mind. Yes, I'm going to paint my nails and pluck my eyebrows, but I don't plan on doing much more than straighten my hair and put on some khakis and my Good Mythical Morning tee shirt and chucks. Learning to not give a damn what people think is empowering and terrifying all at once. The world likes to tell you that you should look to it for approval, when in reality, all that truly matters is your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself. When you're in a good spiritual place, everything seems to be better, and when you're in a good relationship with yourself, your relationship with others is that much sweeter since you can focus on them and not so much about what they might be thinking of your clothes or how you dressed your hair or how nice of a car you drive. 

Food for thought.

Love, Mackenzie

P.S. I guess it was just me. I didn't have that one follower. And now I feel like an idiot.

Spiritual Thought Sunday

I decided to read through the first presidency message and I thought it was a good read, so here's the link.
The subject matter of this message struck a chord with me simply because I find myself guilty of dozing off during the four sessions or being overly distracted by children to properly pay attention. After reading this article, I think we're going to subscribe to the church magazines and I'm going to save the conference editions of the Ensigns so I can reread them as I need to.
I need to read more with regards to first presidency messages and just the Ensign in general, so I'm making that my newest goal.

And just to lighten things up, I decided to post a funny and totally relatable meme with the link.

I hope everyone had a blessed Sabbath and I wish you all a pleasant week!

Love, Mackenzie

Picture Prompt Saturday

Here's this week's picture prompt, complete with the link!

Happy Birthday to my little N who turns two today!

Love, Mackenzie

Big Magic

So my Mom surprised me with a package in the mail which contained a 5 hour gem. It's an audiobook called Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. She's the author of Eat Pray Love.

I listened to the first disc and I'm so hooked. I love her information and I actually take her opinion seriously because she's a writer too. The simple fact that she was once where I am now makes me want to soak up her knowledge like a brand new sponge. In just the first disc, she's taught me that ideas are living things that are simply searching for a host who will do them the most justice. She's taught me to distinguish between the ideas which I should grab hold of and not let go until they've reached completion and the ones which I can apologize to for not being the correct person for the job. I'm loving the way she writes and I feel like an old friend already.

Thanks, Mom, for giving me this gift. I can tell it's going to be super valuable.

Love, Mackenzie

P.S. This is the 100th post on my blog! I've been writing on this thing for 100 straight days which is crazy! In honor of this occasion, I'm going to give myself a round of applause.

Antmageddon

Yes, you read the title correctly. or maybe you didn't and misread it to say armageddon, but either way, it was antmageddon at my house on Tuesday.

We've had ant problems since we moved into our townhouse, and they weren't that bad last year so we set out some ant traps and were diligent with sweeping the floor so they wouldn't be attracted to the inside dining area.
We thought we were safe, but they had a plan to start a battle that lasted about four weeks before we decided to pull out the big guns.

Josh did some research and found a method that was safe for both man and beast (or toddler and toy poodle, but it's neither here nor there) which is to find the nest and to boil the ant hill. We actually unearthed the egg room underneath one of our concrete pavers just outside the back door and just boiled the hell out of it.
We thought we'd won the battle, but they were just getting started.

The next thing we knew, they were waging a full blown attack on our house. They were coming in from the bathroom, under the oven and under our couches by the hundreds, I guess there were over two thousand that I'd swept up through the day. Josh came home with insect killing soil and some hardcore indoor bug spray.

Then he went to work, pulling up pavers to try and find the other nest which was only a few blocks away from the first one. He boiled it like he did the first one and then put down the soil in the small grass patch. Then he pulled the furniture away from the walls and sprayed every inch of baseboard to keep them from coming inside.

Clearly, we weren't going to play games any longer.

Anyway, I kept a sharp eye out for any signs of ants in my house the following morning and I didn't see a single one all day. I guess the ant killing overkill did the trick.

Thanks for reading, and hopefully every one of those little monsters won't bother us again, because I'll show no mercy.

Love, Mackenzie

Writing Prompt Wednesday

Here's this week's writing prompt, complete with the link!

Happy Writing!

Love, Mackenzie

Goosebumps The Movie

So I watched the new Goosebumps movie on Netflix with Josh yesterday and I genuinely got spooked! I felt so silly, but I felt like I should keep checking over my shoulder. It's 12:16 in the morning and I'm watching Good Mythical Morning to calm down...... Ugh. There's a reason I don't watch scary movies.

And my writer's well has been dry for over a week and I feel like I've been going insane.

I actually have an idea that I'm trying to work out in my brain, but it's not working correctly. I'm getting super frustrated, I feel like this mannequin.

I just want my brain to cooperate but it's being stubborn. I don't think I can out stubborn my own brain. Crap.

Love, Mackenzie

P.S. Josh and I discovered, after Lincoln told us it, that Orca's are dolphins. Everything I know is a lie.

A Struggle

I struggle with something that might surprise some people, only because I came across as quite charismatic in high school.

I feel like I write far better than I speak. I don't like holding up conversations with strangers because I feel like I'm being judged, even though I know that's probably not even close to true. I love hiding behind my written words, because I can always go back and fix it when it isn't quite right. I hate speaking out loud because I can't do that. I think that's why I like writing so much because I can say just what I want, I don't have to show it to anyone and it makes me feel a sense of release. 

Maybe I should go mute. I could carry a white board with it and not show my writing until I'm certain it's right.

Yeah, that sounds like a plan. 

Love, Mackenzie

Spiritual Thought Sunday

I couldn't find the homesite of this graphic, but I wasn't the one who made it.

I read this picture the other day and it struck me to the core. I know that I care way too much what others think of me and I'm constantly stressing about how others view me. I know that's not a good mindset, and I'm working on breaking it, but I'm struggling to do so.
When I read this, it was a good reminder that I don't need to keep up with the Jones'. My house can remain not as updated as I might like and that's okay. There are other things we're needing to purchase right now. I don't need to have the most fashionable clothes, just the ones that make me feel most comfortable. I don't need to worry about what other's think of mine and Josh's choice to homeschool our kids. They're not doing the work, I am, so why should I care?

My goal this week will be to try and silence the feelings I have regarding putting too much stock into other's opinions and not taking enough in my own.
I'm going to try and remember that I have the most important person on my side, Heavenly Father.

I hope everyone has a blessed Sunday!

Love, Mackenzie

Picture Prompt Saturday

Here's this weeks writing prompt, including the link!

Happy Writing!
Love, Mackenzie

Target, You're Dead To Me

Dear Target,

I know that I've been a faithful consumer since my toddlerhood, and I know that you think you're doing the right thing, but you're WRONG. I can't submit my sons to potential assault or even rape just to appease the less than 1% of the United States Population. I'd rather shop at Walmart. And I greatly dislike Walmart.

You're officially dead to me.

Love, Mackenzie

UPDATE 5/25/16----Josh just told me about a statement made by the CEO of Target, a company who is suffering great financial losses due to the ridiculous bathroom policies, who claims the loss in profit is not based on the blatant disregard for human safety but climate change.
CLIMATE CHANGE?!
Are you KIDDING me???
This, ladies and gentleman, is the face of an idiot.

YouTube Channel

I've decided that once this little blog is done, I'm going to start a new YouTube channel! I'm going to spend the next nine months or so planning things for it. I've been thinking of what to name it, but I don't know what to call it... I struggle with naming things, but I know I'll figure it out. I'll post the name of my YouTube channel info next February 15th!
I know it might not be popular, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Love, Mackenzie

Writing Prompt Wednesday

Here's this weeks writing prompt, with the link!

Happy writing!

Love, Mackenzie

Midnight Snackin'

When Josh and I were first married, my favorite midnight snack was peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a small cup of milk. When I had kids, my favorite was cereal, more specifically corn flakes and rice krispies. Lately, I've been loving half a quesadilla, with chili powder, garlic powder and salt sprinkled on it. YUM is all I can say.
And if you weren't supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge???

Love, Mackenzie

Trying To Organize

I've suddenly had the desire to organize everything in sight at my house. We have so much junk, its taking over our lives!

We've been slowly working on the garage in hopes that it'll help, and we've been using refinishing our dining table as an excuse to work on it. It's only a one car and we've needed things to get off the floor and into a DI box or put on a shelf or just plainly thrown out to make room. 

Once that's done, we'll work on reorganizing the upstairs closets. All four of them have been crazy unorganized since we moved in and I've had ENOUGH. I function so much better when everything has it's place and I know that when it's all done, I'll feel so much better, but it's challenging to get the motivation at the end of the day to work on something like that. 

I didn't think it would be that hard until we started on the garage... It looks worse than it did, but we've actually gotten rid of a lot of stuff that was taking up valuable storage bucket space, so I guess we are making progress there.

Hopefully we can get this sorted out soon before it really flies out of control.

Love, Mackenzie

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's day at the Packer house is interesting. Josh thinks that a bouquet is a waste since the flowers are dying as we speak, he thinks that chocolates are more reasonable since they provide some sort of nourishment, so generally he asks me if I want any special snacks that I normally don't buy. I chose Flamin' Hot Cheetos and strawberry Pocky. YUM.

But anyway, I'd like to give a shoutout to the two mom's in my life, my mother Laurel and my mother-in-law Mary Ann. I love having women like you in my life supporting and loving me!

Love, Mackenzie

Picture Prompt Saturday

Here's this weeks picture prompt, with the link!

And I wanted to say farewell to Josh's cat of 17 years, Patches. Until we meet again.

Love, Mackenzie

Randomness

First off, I'd like to say that I'm SO excited for my mystery novel, even though I'm freaking out a little inside about it.

I've watched comedic detective shows for years and I've been trying really hard to reverse the process so I can plan my mystery novel effectively, but it's just not clicking! Luckily, my cousin's grandma writes murder mysteries so I asked for some tips to get this planning thing going. Hopefully it'll help.

I realized something funny earlier... I think I might be the person 'reading' my blog posts. I can't be certain that it's not me, so if someone is really out there, you don't need to make yourself known, I'd just like to know that I'm not getting excited over nothing. Keep yourself anonymous if you'd like, and I won't even publicly post your comment unless you're cool with it. Either way, I'll feel like a big dummy if I've been excited for the last few days over nothing.

Also, I think I'm going to work harder on planning my Gothic novel in preparation for July's Camp NaNoWriMo. I'm mostly certain that I'll be doing my mystery novel for November's challenge, and I want to make sure I have plenty of time to get that solid before I write it. But because it's out of my normal comfort zone, I know I'll put it off like crazy and it'll never get written.

I rediscovered the Finding Neverland score and it's delightful, as is the Angels and Demon's score and the Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium score.

And to top this post off, I'm going to share an enjoyable Good Mythical Morning episode. Watch it.

Love, Mackenzie

Making a Murderer

I finally have gotten around to watching the Netflix Original series, and it's totally grabbed my attention! I've been sucked in, and I'm almost done with episode 5 (of a total 10) So I'm eager to finish it.

On another note, I've decided to try and write a mystery novel. I'm SUPER intimidated to do it, but I'm going to give it my all.
I hope that it lives up to my lofty expectations because I'm quite excited for it.

Love, Mackenzie

Writing Prompt Wednesday

Here's this weeks writing prompt, complete with the link!

Happy Writing!

Love, Mackenzie

Lucid Dreaming Part 1

I've hit a milestone with my Lucid Dreaming project! If you haven't heard of Lucid Dreaming before, read this post.

Anyway, I couldn't remember any details from my dream last night, but I do distinctly remember thinking,
Look around, commit a few objects to memory so you can write them down when you wake up.
Even though I can't remember the dream itself, the fact that I consciously thought of that means a lot. Hopefully soon I'll have to do dream checks and things, but for now, I'll accept my fail at remembering stuff.

Happy Dreaming!

Love, Mackenzie

P.S. I found a hilarious dog dreaming GIF but my computer is being dumb right now and won't download it. So hopefully next time I'll be successful.

P.P.S. I noticed that somebody has been reading a chain of my posts. Whoever you are, you're awesome and you brightened my day. So here's a Robert Downey Jr. GIF, just for you.

Bad Turned Good

I'll be the first to admit that today was not my finest hour. I was really on edge from the time I got up this morning and the boys seemed to follow suit. Our trip to Costco went off nearly without a hitch, but I forgot my phone at home, and the hydraulics on the trunk of my van was screwed up so it didn't work.

So we got home and the boys and I had lunch, watched Bubble Guppies and then I put N down for a nap. I watched a couple episodes of Good Mythical Morning before sacking out on my bed and L quickly followed behind me. We all slept for two hours and when we woke up, we all were in much better moods.

Josh got home late, so I had to lay down the boys by myself, and it went incredibly smoothly. The boys stayed in bed for the most part and I only had to check on them five or six times before they fell asleep.

I painted my nails and then Josh brought me half and Italian sub from Subway and then I played a mission on Halo Reach. I spilled some sauce on the blanket that was on my lap, but I didn't really care. I felt very relaxed.

As of now, Josh is sleeping next to me and my mood is so great right now. What a great ending to a normally super-fail type day.

Love, Mackenzie

Spiritual Thought Sunday

Anyone who follows my instagram account knows I quoted this a few days ago. But it really resonates with me since I am SO in love with my man, it's a little silly. Even though we don't show it outwardly all that much, I know he loves me back. 

I love this quote though simply because it reminds me what's waiting on the other side, after we're all dead and gone. I was married to Josh for time and all eternity in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple on June 18th, 2011. I can't think of another person I'd rather be spending the rest of forever with.

I'm not about to call him the perfect man (I'm not perfect either, far from it actually) but he's perfect for me. 

He's helped me with some deep seeded issues I've dealt with for years and I feel like I've gotten a much firmer grasp on them. He encourages me to be myself and he loves me for all my obsessions with writing and playing X-Box. We share a lot of the same interests, but he respects the things I hold dear to my heart.
Even though we get under each other's skin from time to time, we're generally happy with one another. Josh works hard to provide for our lifestyle while going to school part time. In all reality, (sappy alert) he's my superman.
Alright, I'm done with the sappiness now.
My prayer for anyone out there reading this post is to wait for that person who loves you for the real you, who pulls away the mask and accepts every beautiful part of you as well as every flaw. Wait for that person who you can grow with and have deep conversations with, someone who can talk about the tough stuff with you without you feeling judged or ridiculed.
The best piece of marriage advice I can give is to never forget that you and your spouse are on the same side. Its not a power struggle. It's not you vs them. It's you and them vs the issue at hand.

Happy Sunday ya'll!

Love, Mackenzie